There are three of these scripts going at the moment. This one is my favourite.
Scene 1-Raging fires are burning out of control in Podunk. Hillbillies crawl under Chevrolets and fire beebe guns at the authorities (firefighters). Smoke drifts across the horizon. A banjo plays in the background. The camera slowly pans out to reveal endless rows of slaves, bending low over cotton singing soulful songs and filling baskets as fire threatens and bullets fly. A woman screams in an outhouse. The Foreign Legion, riding on camels, surrounds the outhouse. They fire into the air to to warn incoming outhouse-bound incontinent folk. All hell breaks for a smoke break as the flames shoot higher. A line forms across the fields, of people with rolls of TP and crossed legs, looking anxious.
Suddenly, one of them runs towards the outhouse, clutching his TP grenade-style and lighting the end-sheet, whooping like a wild-cat on heat, he lobs it with consummate skill towards the door, which explodes. The whole thing goes skyward, exposing the latest and most sought-after movie star, BECKY BOOBSALOT, crouching inelegantly, hillbilly skirt riding fetchingly high. Becky looks for her own TP in the arms of her assistant Hunk Morris, but he's using it to build a different movie set. Grabbing burning sheets of TP, she attempts to use a dance move to disguise her famous features, but the legionnaires recognize her assets and immediately prepare to alert the media.
Helicopters arrive with soldiers and papparazzi. The papparazzi point lasered sniper scoped-rifles in the general direction of Becky's more prominent attractions. Cameras flash, shouts echo, TP flies. The lights go on & off as sounds of gunfire and soldiers' camera-clicks ensue.
A scream.
Another scream-- louder.
A throaty gurgle.
BECKY leaps from a well chosen cliff. Plummeting gracefully yet revealingly into the surf, BECKY reveals her bikini (bottom around ankles).
CUT TO: Interior of nearby fort paved with diamonds. Exiled Prince Vladimir of Arkansas holds his jewels thoughtfully. A string quartet hides behind a large ming vase, playing for his left carbuncle. Quarrels, his pet chimp and bodyguard starts in alarm as the high notes reach a crescendo.
VLADIMIR: Relax, Quarrels. Eet eez only ze violinz.
QUARRELS: [from chandelier] Eeeeeeek!
Suddenly BECKY pops. Her silicone implants are now planted among the coral reefs of Arkansas.
[CUT TO: underwater footage from Tahiti] The mysterious lurking great white shark, named Greg, is lurking mysteriously. BECKY swims along unconcernedly. A rowboat approaches full of dope-smugglers and sex slavers.
SLAVERS: Ahoy, there.
BECKY: I've lost my bikini, sir. My boobs exploded. May I borrow your hankies to fashion a replacement? [REVEALS UGLY FLESH-POCKETS WHERE BOOBS WERE]
SLAVERS [together]: Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh! [they attempt to scramble to the safety of a spot hidden from the camera]
BECKY: You men are just silly. [climbs into the boat, picks up oars] Which way's the beach?
[CUT TO: Greg, nuzzling implants]
GREG: Glug-glug. Glug. [Pan to scuba diver, approaching unaware ...